Good Morning, Gents!

I had a pretty deep conversation with someone this week about confidence & criticism. I feel like these are conversations I've had with people on here too, so I figured I'd share this with you & the advice I gave this person, because I've shared similar hacks on here, but maybe not articulated them as well for whatever reason.

This person said that co-workers & bosses have put it in his head that he's not a good worker.

And I guess I feel sorry for people in this situation, because people have tried to do this to me often. It just doesn't normally work. I wouldn't say because I'm smarter, it's probably because I'm more stubborn or more ornery or more manipulative, I'm not sure.

But probably 15ish years ago, I'm just working, probably 45-50 hours a week. Then goinig to some church event after work most nights of the week, about 20 hours or so (Awana, soccer, basketball, Bible study, men's group, something) where I would teach or serve or counsel or something. I was just super active with a lot of people, very active social life, & everything was fine. Everyone was happy with what I was doing. I was very happy with my life. It was probably one of the best times of my life.

Then something happened. I'll probably never figure out what exactly, but in a minute, I went from people being very happy with what I was doing to not being happy. Everyone needed more from me. More work, more money, more time, more productivity, more quality, etc. And it was the same song & dance with every circle in my life: work, church, family.

That was my first clue that something was amiss. Did I suddenly suck at everything I was doing? Was that possible to be "good" than "terrible" at EVERYTHING in such a short period of time? I mean, sure, if I had adopted a bad attitude, but the problem wasn't on my end.

Usually, I adopt a bad attitude when I become disillusioned by something. When work becomes meaningless or whatever it is I'm doing stops providing value, seems pointless, becomes too hard or expensive to do, so that it doesn't make sense doing it any longer, or would probably make life so much easier if I stopped doing it. But that wasn't the case.

So, the first point that I made with this person; I guess you could say my first hack is that there's nothing necessarily wrong with considering people's criticism & doing a self-examination. Maybe people are right, & there's something wrong & you just happen to have a blind spot. What does your self-check tell you?

Mine told me that whatever was wrong wasn't on my end. I was still producing the same amount at work at the same quality. They seemed to have pigeon holed me, putting harder jobs at my feet (jobs that were too hard for everyone else to do well), which would understandably lower my production, because they're more time consumiing. Then criticizing me for the consequences of their pigeon holing.

Once I had a manager freak out on me on the floor. While taking his criticism, I looked over his shoulder at 2 Mexican women chit chatting with each other. For the 5 minutes or so I was taking a beating, I couldn't help but think, I'm your problem while these 2 ladies chat it up on the clock. It seems like THEY should be your problem. One of those lazies came up to me some time & asked me what she had to do one of my jobs. And I told her because I was doing a much harder job. If she wanted to trade, I'd be happy to, but then she'd have to do the much harder job. Of course, she declined. Don't ever forget that whatever you're doing, I'm doing something harder, I told her. What a dick, right, but the truth hurts.

With my family, it was that I wasn't coming home as much or basically doing what they wanted me to do. They had gotten so used to me being so amendable, that they were taking advantage of me & taking me for granted. Two things that seemed to be a theme in my entire life. It wasn't some attitude that I had developed & was sporting, it was that everyone suddenly needed more from me. They were no longer appreciative of my work or simply needed to manipulate more out of me. Men, y'all need to earn more, so we can tax you more, kinda thng. However, none of my family ever took the time to come up & visit me. Or even call me for that matter. You complain about me, & say you miss me, so much so, apparently, that you don't ever come up to see me or spend time with me or even call. The burdens are always on my shoulders. Hmmmmm. Telling.

It was the same at church. People were getting married & starting families (good for them), but we can't let our level of service to the church, programs, the public, etc drop, because pairs of people are bowing out to make babies. Everyone else needs to step it up a notch (or I guess 2, since pairs of people are bowing out). At one point, I had injured myself at work & was under a work restriction (can't lift more than 10 lbs or something). My congregation asked me if there was any way I could violate that without violating it. Question, if I pick up a couch or something & need surgery or something, will the church pay for my care & recovery time off work? No. Will the person carrying the other end of the couch pay? No. So, you don't really care about me, just my utility. And if I'm supposed to be responsible for the bad things that happen in my life, then I should probably be responsible for not getting myself into bad situations, which at the moment means not meeting your expectations. Sorry.

Once again, it looked like I was being played. Because of your management style, suddenly, I'm a problem at work. Not any of the freeloaders that you have more than enough of. Because you were not willing to shoulder any burdens, family, but take advantage of me, suddenly, my behavior was no longer acceptable, despite there being no atttitude in me. Because other people were "graduating" to marriage & family (so the way you have structured service at church) & not carrying their weight, you need those still single to pick up the pieces. Do you see a trend here? OTHERS are making choices that are affecting management, family, church, etc, & instead of dealing with them, they decided to cast their burdens on me. Probably because it was just easier. Maybe because they had a better chance of getting what they wanted from me than them.

It took a long time for me to figure all of this out, & I guess I'm thankful that everyone turned on me at the same time otherwise I'd probably not noticed what was going on.

But here are some hacks & I'll use my art as an example. First is that every jack ass is going to criticize you. There's no end to this in this life. Everything that you have ever done, are currently doing, or will do in the future, is WRONG....................according to someone. That's a universal truth. It's certainly okay to consider their criticism & do a self-examination. I think that's pretty healthy. Maybe they're right & you're in a blind spot & they're criticism may actually help you get out of that blind spot. Sadly, I have no such story to share with you, because that usually doesn't happen. At least in my experience. To date, it's never been me, it's been everyone else. Don't let their criticism weigh you down or knock you off course. Question yourself, sure, but here's another hack.

What I have gravitated to & held onto is PROOF. Do I have a bad attitude that's decreasing my productivity or affecteing my relationships or decreasing the quality of my work or something? If so, there should be proof of that. For the person that I spoke with this week, his bosses & co-workers got it in his head that he's bad at his job. If he truly is bad at his job, there should be proof of that. Facts don't care about your feelings, right? Don't feel that you suck at whatever or at least only allow that feeling to propel you to self-examination (the search for facts). Then let the proof confirm or dispell those feelings. Anyone who says that you suck at whatever, yet gives you more stress or pressure or work or whatever is obviously manipulating you for some reason, otherwise, they'd be giving you less & less responsibility, not more.

This drawing is a female Rose Breasted Grosbeak. The model has been drawn exactly as I saw it. The background too, but I used two different models to create this drawing. I liked it so much that I had it printed on greeting cards & a couple coffee mugs. To date, NO ONE has bought a card or mug. Actually, my records say 1 card, but that was me 🙃. So, maybe it was a mistake printing them on merchandise. Live & learn, right? For all the women bitching that I don't draw more female birds, THERE IT IS, BUY IT! Once again, IF it was truly about drawing more female birds, they would buy them. The fact that they criticize, but don't put their money where their mouths are isn't a reflection of me, but themselves.

I feel like this drawing is good. And I let that feeling take me to a self-examination. Despite no sales, proof that it's good, it's precise, so some proof that my feeling is valid. If it wasn't precise, it wouldn't be good.

Now, let's expand that to more criticism that I've faced. This isn't real art (for whatever reason). This isn't a real business. Maybe not, but Mother's Day is tomorrow. This will be my 2nd in stores. I went to my best selling store yesterday. The owner opened the door for me & asked if my ears were burning. What's going on? Your cards SOLD OUT! He was thinking about bringing some down from our other location, but didn't know how I'd feel about that. Okay, so this has been a growing "problem" for some time now. My stock gets wiped out the week of a holiday. Their hours are generally within my work day, so it's tricky getting down to service them. I don't like doing it on the weekends, because there are locations where my only chance to interact with the owners is on the weekends. Fridays work, because I have 30 minutes to get there & service them before they close. But I'm going to need to go down twice a week on holidays, so maybe on a lunch break seems to be my best option here. The week of Valentine's Day, I had restocked them, then realized that what I stocked was still kinda wintery & maybe I should bring in something with flowers on it. However, when I went in to do that a few days later, HALF my stock was gone, so I guess it didn't really matter.

Here's my point. I let people who say this isn't a real business or real art win those arguments. They can have all the air coming out of their faces they want. And all the opinions too that aren't worth 2 cents. You, my friend, are absolutely right. Meanwhile, I'm going to take every single dollar that I earn & laugh my ass all the way to the bank. And I think this is a fair exchange. They get to keep the opinions & the air. I get to keep the proof.

If this wasn't real, there would be proof. Here's the proof. Last Mother's Day, someone came into this exact location & asked for 2 Bluebird cards. I had put that design there for 6 weeks or so, & no sales, so I took them a few weeks prior. This person must have been a regular, because she saw them, saw they were not there, & asked specifically for them. The owners texted me & I brought them down. (Later, I learned that she sent them to Japan!) A week after that, someone came in & ordered 3 Cardinal coffee mugs. The owners texted me & I brought them down. This year, so far, at that location, my entire line was SOLD OUT. And there are more stories that I could share.

So, there's nothing wrong with feelings or having them, but don't let them rule over you. They serve you. Let them guide you to the proof & hold onto the proof. Maybe the proof is no one buys that design. Fair enough, good to know, I haven't bought any more since, nor have I printed it on anything else. Maybe the proof shows you that you have a blind spot & need to change. No problem, make the change. Maybe the proof shows you that the problem doesn't lie with you at all, but with everyone else around you. Tell them to fock off! lol